Lori Grimes: Things I would’ve done differently

Theres never a dull moment during a zombie apocalypse, but aside from flesh-eating zombies, everyone on earth decided that the real enemy was none other that bi-polar Lori Grimes.

in my usual wide eyed stare

It wasnt her thing with Shane that bothered me, to be honest I couldn’t care less about that. She thought her husband was dead for fucksake, the moral outrage regarding that scenario is mind-blowing. I’m sure SO many men out there would take a vow of celibacy if their bitch died during the end of the world. ANYWAY.. the whole ‘your wife is a ho’ thing im totally against. What I DID despise about Lori ‘I stare a situation out’ Grimes was the fact that she never seemed to make any fucking sense whatsoever.

Take Carl….thats her kid right? So the general consensus is that you kinda know where he is, especially if the probability of him dying is quite high. So why then during season 2 did we never ever know where the fuck he was?? At one point he got SHOT, I mean jesus christ….

mother of the year award

Then there’s the whole conflicting messages ALL THE TIME; get Meryl, don’t get Meryl, kill Shane, don’t kill Shane, Ricks the dad, Shane’s the dad. Her inability to calm a situation down, and constant blowing shit out of proportion (plus sending Rick on never ending suicide missions) makes life DIFFICULT. especially when its pretty difficult already.

To mark her demise from season 3 I’ve drawn up a list of shit I would’ve done differently if I were Lori, to ensure the whole world didn’t wish I was the first to die:

  1. Not fucked shane. Only because it’s shitting on your own doorstep. And makes you unpopular and paranoid when your dead husband and his sheriff hat come back
  2. Not let carl out of the house: because he’s an irritating douche and only gets good during season 3
  3. Not worn a lumberjack shirt as my one item of attire: I don’t really need to explain this.
  4. Not gotten pregnant: because its like the end of the world and shit, and there’s no food, and there’s like 2 zillion flesh-eating zombies trying to kill you
  5. Not kept telling Rick that everything is his ‘call’: ACTUALLY…it later emerges that Rick needs to pull his shit together, therefore making everything his ‘call’ wasnt the smartest thing you ever said…especially after he lost his mind and locked himself in the boiler room.
  6. Used more than one facial expression:
    because when you act, it’s a good idea
  7. Not spent the whole time on the farm making tea: ….and learned to shoot an aim better, thus productively using your time

Anyway shes dead now, so we can all get on with our lives and learn to redirect our hatred towards Andrea, because thats what good people do…..

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