Funny Games Revisted.

Everyone pretty much jizzes their pants whenever you talk about Michael Haneke. I’ve sat through endless conversations with film grads, excitedly discussing how profound Haneke’s work is; how his subtle social commentary and take on violence is “unbelievably thought provoking”, how his meticulous and flawless filmmaking practices will haunt you for months, and so forth and so forth.

In particular I have heard time and time again that Funny Games would be the most ‘disturbing’  and ‘intelligent’ thing I was ever going to see in my adult life, that it was literally so mind-blowing that he was forced to make it twice, in two different langues, ten years apart, shot by shot.

 

So I watched it. In both languages.

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Jagged little Beth- episode recap

Poor Beth, all she ever wanted from Daryl was a shoulder to cry on, in fact all she wants to do is cry, and talk about her feelings and then maybe cry some more, but as was made mind-blowingly obvious from the last episode, Daryl is a redneck, and rednecks aren’t really into tears, or emotions, and the combo of both, and this makes him storm off uncomfortably on several occasions. So poor Beth is in a really shitty situation, she’s now lost Maggie, had to watch her dad be publicly beheaded, and now she’s stuck with emo Daryl for the rest of eternity. ‘everyone’s dead’ he constantly reminds her, which leads her to cry some more. In fact crying and talking about crying pretty much dominated this last episode.daryl and beth

So lets recap: After spending the night in the boot of a car, and then being forced to eat a BBQ rattlesnake, Beth decides she wants a drink. Thats right folks a DRANNNNKKK, ‘as in alcohol’, she reaffirms, just in case we didn’t really catch what she meant the first time round. Hershel wouldn’t let her drink, but ‘hes dead now’ she also reaffirms…not gonna argue with that Beth, and I’m not questioning your grief either.

Beth gets really mad at Daryl and accuses him of being all types of negative, ‘screw this’ she says, ‘screw this camp’ she says again. It’s worth mentioning that Beth uses the word ‘screw’ like three times in one sentence indicating her evolution from a bible basher to a badass. She then flips the bird at Daryl, and tells him she is getting a drink TO-DAY.

Onto the search for alcohol, Beth and now a very un-chatty Daryl begin making their way to the nearest location they think may contain liquor. They find a nearby golf club house/department store (the clothes and stuff threw me), and make their way inside. It must be noted that this episode in many ways is possibly the bleakest of them all. It doesn’t really hit you just how grim shit has gotten until you see all the 10 thousand dead bodies piled on top of each other, with maybe 10 zombies hung from the ceiling, swinging about, trying to get down. This is the point where I personally would’ve been like ‘yea im done’, and shot myself in the head. But a rather resilient Beth keeps on going, whilst Daryl thinks now is a good opportunity to rob loads of money.

hell

Small afterthough. I’m gonna make the assumption that Daryl is obviously having some kind of nervous breakdown and has totally forgotten that in a world where everyone is dead, there is no law and no government, perhaps robbing money isn’t the most useful thing he would’ve gained from this recreational visit to the golf club. Either he’s had a momentary lapse (see Rick season 3 when dead Lori keeps popping up everywhere), or we’re being gently reminded (thanks AMC) that this guy was broke crook pre-apocalypse.

Back to Beth. Unfazed by the plethora of dead people downstairs, she finds a clothes shop to raid and decides the have an outfit change. Yellow and white are perhaps the two most unlikely colours I would wear during a zombie outbreak, but Beth doesn’t care, she looks pretty and preppy and wants to ram her positive energy down your throat whether you like it or not. Dammit she wants to teach the world to sing, even though there’s no world left and no-one to sing to. Still the canary yellow polo top really brings out her eyes. I gave it less than ten minutes before someones brains ruined it. And lo and behold Daryl clubs a zombies head all over the pearl white cardi. Take it off Beth, take it off.

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After being denied a Peach Schnapps, and forced to watch the most awkward game of darts in the world. Daryl decides to take Beth to an undisclosed location he previously found with Michonne so she can get drunk on moonshine. At this point the episode got a bit weird, borderline creepy. Suddenly I was like ‘ok ANYTHING is possible here’, there’s a weird vibe between them, they kind of hate each other, is he gonna kill her? are they hooking up? Are they both gonna die? Is he gonna kill himself? It was all a bit ambiguous. The house in question was either Daryl’s actual house, or a house that really really resembled it. I couldn’t quite figure it out cuz the conversation progressively just got weirder and weirder.

A drinking game in this redneck shithole (‘my dad used to do target practice in here’…..right), turns extremely nasty when Beth kinda directly but indirectly accuses Daryl of being a criminal. ‘Is that what you really think of me’ he barks, to be fair Daryl, she did ask you like 10 times what you did before the outbreak and you remained silent….we all thought the worst. Things then get SUPER AWKWARD, and Daryl decides he’s gonna kick things about and piss in the middle of the kitchen. Great.

Then he starts cussing Beth out like you would not even believe.

I mean, full on, no holds barred, telling it like it is type shit. ‘You lost two boyfriends’ he reminds her (really two? who the hell was the first one?) ‘your whole family is dead’ he screams ‘and all you care about is getting drunk like some dumb college bitch’. Damn Daryl. Damn.

Beth then does a little monologue about how Daryl is afraid to feel, or get too close to anyone, then he starts crying, then she hugs him and then she cries. and then it basically turns into Dawson’s Creek.

The last ten minutes are the wackest of them all. Literally a 10 minute chat about life, and feelings (enough already), with Daryl opening up about his past and Beth not giving a shit and mainly just wanting to talk about herself. Then they have a super emosh moment whereby they decide to burn down this house to say goodbye to Daryl’s past (this btw might not even be his actual house, but we’ll go with it). Some really bad country music about the ghosts in your closet starts playing while they unnecessarily start a forest fire. then they walk away and flip the bird and the burning house.

Glad you both got that off your chests.

Breaking The New Season Silence

What are we like 5, 6? maybe 7 episodes in,

I stopped counting.

You know things have hit rock bottom when you just dont give a shit and fall asleep through the end of every episode. Or when Carol drives off into the sunset and you kinda just shrug your shoulders and go ‘eh’, or even when the governor (who we all knew was feeding the walkers the entire time…not stupid here you know), reappears and im there dribbling on my pillow wondering if i should use the laptop light to create mood while i sleep or opt for total pitch black.

This is not ok and its starting to depress me, Yes we knew things would be different. Especially when Beth decided to act like a total bitch (re. her boyfriends death), and shrug it off as ‘shit happens’. Then that weird little alcoholic kid entered the equation, everyone got flu. The whole thing is turning into a big ole mess.

I dont like it.

I’m just gonna keep watching and wait it out. I’m hoping its like season 2 when basically nothing happens and theres a lot of ‘character building’. I just dont wanna get too attached to anyone who might have flu or a bald head. It usually ends badly for those people.

Oh and can we have martinez back as well.

Thank you kindly

wheres Michonne?

wheres Michonne?

The Conjuring. A film thats not about zombies. Also a true story

It would have probably been a good idea to go and watch World War Z and talk about how much i hated it, because I now have such high expectations from the undead that anything outside of my comfort zone (like zombies that run), are a no-go area for me, an area filled with hate and confusion. Luckily I didn’t watch World War Z, nor is this post a rant about that. So that’s ok and we can move on.

I watched The Conjuring, which was directed by James Wan, and featured the one from The Departed that looks like Heather Mills, and that dude that played the Paedophile in Hard Candy, and then played the really hot rich guy in Girls.(FYI, to anyone who didn’t see that episode of girls, made no fucking sense). Maybe to the untrained eye this movie is your classic haunted house/hang on it’s a demon/hang on it’s a witch/hang on it wants to kill your entire family type scenario, but if you dig deep it a whole lot more. We’ve seen the formula, James Wan is not reinventing the wheel, it’s just a classic creepy film with demons and kids and a possessed doll, (but obviously a billion times better than insidious, because insidious was shit). I’m here more specifically to discuss the demonologists that are at the core of this film-Edward Warren and his wife Lorraine Warren.

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This contains no spoilers, so carry on reading if you so choose.

Edward and Lorraine, self-proclaimed ‘seekers of the supernatural’ are, according to the film, the worlds leading experts in demonology and paranormal research. The main reason why I was so interested in them after i left the theatre rather than the ‘story’ is partly due to the highly refined way Wan chose to portray them in this movie. The Warrens were no con artists, oh no, they were essentially classified as ‘academics’; very rational, highly articulate, highly intelligent, always on some campus doing a slide show presentation, answering questions, being very sincere. It was all so different to what one may associate with a ‘demonologist’.

Edward Warren also states at one point in the film that he didn’t believe in vampires, which was highly reassuring.

Lets take a look at Ed and Lorraine and see who the hell they are.

FUN FACT 1) The Warrens had been in business of tracking down evil for over 40 years, and casting it away with holy water and high-tech sound equipment. I was ASTOUNDED to discover that they had previously been involved in the Amityville case (yes THE Amityville) with the Lutz family, who famously fled the house after an alleged 28 days in the property. The Warrens were called in to do a séance on live TV after the media frenzy that surrounded the house. Nothing actually came out of that particular séance but later they found a picture featuring a little boy who had not been present in the house at all. It is suspected (wait for it) that he was one of the victims that were murdered by Robert Defeo who had gone nuts one night, reached for his rifle and shot his entire family to death. This was prior to the Lutz’s moving in. Hence all the crazy shit that happened to them whilst at the house.

Allegedly Lorraine said that she hoped Amityville was ‘as close to hell’ as she would ever get.

FUN FACT 2) The Snedeker family haunting which lead to movie ‘The Haunting in Connecticut was also an investigation that the Warrens had been actively involved in. This was a particularly grim case that dealt with a mortuary run by necrophiliacs (yea told you), that then became a family home, unknown to the Snedeker family. Luckily the current owner fails to give a shit.

FUN FACT 3) The Warrens have a museum FULL of all the possessed stuff they’ve retrieved, found and worked on over the years. Yes that’s right, a WHOLE room full of satanic objects and voodoo dolls, all full of evil, in one tiny little space. You can visit the museum if you like, but you can’t touch or taunt anything. If you do, you might die. Literally. One guy famously taunted the Annabel Doll in his visit to the museum (featured in the movie), and died three hours later. Alternatively you can visit The Tate

FUN FACT 4) They have Annabel. The weird creepy rag doll, who has the ability to totally kill people. In the movie she sets the scene, creates the context, gives us an idea of the horror of inanimate objects created for children. Below is her story….oh and next time you wanna buy your kid something from the junk shop, expect bad stuff to happen. That’s why video games were invented.

Enjoy sleeping

S

stuff to remember: Apocalypse edition

So here we all are, keeping ourselves busy until October 13, in what seems to be the longest wait ever. Will the governor reemerge? will Hershel grow his leg back? (judging by the trailer…), will Caesar Martinez get even hotter this season? Will zombies start to become a focus of a ‘zombie show’, or will they just take a backseat again while two middle-aged crazy men with big egos hash it out over territory and stuff?

It’s all very exciting.

Cant wait to see Daryl once more on his bike, making a shit load of noise for no particular reason, spouting more one liners then Fat Amy in pitch perfect. Theres just SO much to look forward to, and best of all, ANDREA is dead!

Before we get all excited, I am going to be negative for the next couple of minutes and bring the mood down a notch. I would like to take this opportunity to reflect on all the ‘bloopers’ of this zombie apocalypse, and say to AMC, you need to bring back a bit of realism here guys. And by realism I mean really THINK about what the end of the world entails, because there’s just some stuff I simply can’t get my head round , and we need to address this.

Here are a few choice examples from last season which I personally was not happy with:

1) Carol’s Hair.

carol

Is a perfect crop. Discuss.

2) The Grass.

Am I really going to break this one down? The handyman zombie is not a part of the cast so either reveal him, or let him go. I do not want to see such immaculate grass ever again

that mower just keeps on going

3) Magical powder formula.

For la bebe. The baby also needs baby food and stuff. Where the hell are they finding all this powdered formula? I mean really? Where?

4) Cooking-or lack of.

I’d like to see them cook, I’d like to see them eat, I’d like to know the ins and outs, id like to know how its going down. That’s all im saying.

5) Electricity in Woodbury.

Because there is! I’ve seen it…the governor has lights and stuff.

6) Andreas roots

We’ve discussed this before. I’m just pointing it out as an FYI

7) Hershel’s unlimited ammo

ok its season 2 but still worth mentioning.

8) Makeup

Where is it coming from? Who is giving these women mascara? WHO? I demand to know

9) Daryl and his designer stubble

Is he shaving? Because Hershel has a cypress hill/Santa thing going on, and yet Daryl is still looking very rock and roll. I wanna know… Is he shaving and does he have access to clippers? and how does he switch them on if they have no electricity? but do they have electricity? hmm….

10) What happens at night?

Where are the candles? what do they do? how do they see?

Fix these issues AMC. and then a zombie apocalypse will make total rational sense to me.

Thank you kindly