Men of the Apocalypse-Terminus edition

A definitive list of my favourite ‘end of the world thanks to a zombie outbreak’ survivors.

 

 

George Clooney as Seth Gecko- From Dusk Till Dawn

 

Brotherly Love

Brotherly Love

 

He may play a violent criminal in this Action/Thriller/Horror/Western, but of course, violent criminals are good in an apocalypse. As long as he doesn’t come with his psychopath rapist brother, then we’re good. Also he’s George Clooney…so I’m down with that.

 

Will Smith as Robert Neville. I am Legend

 

Sole Survivor

Sole Survivor

I’m being a bit of a renegade and going for Robert because most people don’t even really recognise this as a zombie film. BUT IT IS DAMMIT. And he’s the only survivor, and he’s got survival down to a fine art. So he makes the list.

 

Norman Reedus as Daryl Dixon-The Walking Dead

Obviously

 

Bill Murray as Bill Murray-Zombieland

'It's just Bill now I think'

‘It’s just Bill now I think’

Bill is a god amongst men. And a fake zombie amongst zombies

Cilian Murphy as Jim- 28 Days Later

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‘You better include him’ thought many of you through gritted teeth. You thought I did another trash list didn’t you?

Jim walks through the empty streets of London in a hospital PJs for a long time, and then a lot of bad shit happens. He gets through it though, and doesn’t loose his mind like Rick. For that, and for saving Selena and Hannah, You Jim are my 5th Soldier of the apocalypse.

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Big cat

What’s Big Cat?  We don’t get it in the UK, so I just assumed it was a Lion bar-esque type of chocolate treat. I googled it and much to my dismay, nothing came of my search. So apparently you can’t get it anywhere in the world, unless the manufacturers specifically specialise in snacks of the apocalypse, which is fine by me as long as its tasty, and I’m around long enough to find out why Michonne looked so disappointed when it was snatched away by greedy little douche. He not only took the Big Cat, but let her keep something called ‘Cruncho’ (potentially a bootleg brand of chocolate, like that shit you buy in the market for 10p, or the overseas stuff they import from Lithuania with 2% chocolate in it). The funniest part of the exchange was that Rick got NOTHING not even a ‘want some?’ He then kinda just stood there, fake smiling. That was really awkward. I used to kind of fancy Rick. Growing up in the UK I got to see Andrew Lincoln play some really edgy characters in his career, including a coked up young lawyer in 90s drama ‘This Life‘ (to my American friends, it was like ‘party of five’ but with more sex and lots of drugs).

 

So to see him now, with his fake southern drawl (he’s English btw), grey beard, slightly baggy-eyed, getting snubbed by his dickhead child, you cant help but feel sorry for him. He just stood there and took their shit, and acted like he didn’t care that they were bonding, and leaving him out. He lost all his charm. You’ve been stripped of your badge in more ways than one Rick.

Was It Shane that kept his spark alive? Or that nagging wife that would make me slash my wrists way before the zombies got me? Who knows…

All I know is that one critic refered to this new ‘family’ unit, as the ‘glimmer of hope’ during such a bleak time in human history. I think the glimmer of hope comes in the form of Daryl’s crossbow, but call me a realist. I’m not suggesting I don’t dig their playful banter, and their bad jokes, I’m just saying eventually they’ll grow to despise each other and potentially eat each other in terminus.

Speaking of which…

Some other shit happened recently. Carol confessed to Tyrese that she killed everyone and surprisingly her brain wasnt blown out, Lizzie murdered her sister during an escalating spiral of crazy, and looking at flowers will never have the same meaning ever again. We find out the key elements to a ‘white-trash brunch’ thanks to Daryl, Beth gets kidnapped and we havent heard her sing for 2 episodes, and most importantly Maggie and Glen (yawn) are reunited, and true love conquers all.

Oh and some of them get to Terminus

And find a man-sized barbecue

And a fuller figured woman with rosy cheeks and an apron

and a menu??

Ok no menu. Even though I’m sure BBQ Beth is the starter.

Luckily Lizzie gets reincarnated as Martin’s daughter in true detective, so there is still hope for her career.

 

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Jagged little Beth- episode recap

Poor Beth, all she ever wanted from Daryl was a shoulder to cry on, in fact all she wants to do is cry, and talk about her feelings and then maybe cry some more, but as was made mind-blowingly obvious from the last episode, Daryl is a redneck, and rednecks aren’t really into tears, or emotions, and the combo of both, and this makes him storm off uncomfortably on several occasions. So poor Beth is in a really shitty situation, she’s now lost Maggie, had to watch her dad be publicly beheaded, and now she’s stuck with emo Daryl for the rest of eternity. ‘everyone’s dead’ he constantly reminds her, which leads her to cry some more. In fact crying and talking about crying pretty much dominated this last episode.daryl and beth

So lets recap: After spending the night in the boot of a car, and then being forced to eat a BBQ rattlesnake, Beth decides she wants a drink. Thats right folks a DRANNNNKKK, ‘as in alcohol’, she reaffirms, just in case we didn’t really catch what she meant the first time round. Hershel wouldn’t let her drink, but ‘hes dead now’ she also reaffirms…not gonna argue with that Beth, and I’m not questioning your grief either.

Beth gets really mad at Daryl and accuses him of being all types of negative, ‘screw this’ she says, ‘screw this camp’ she says again. It’s worth mentioning that Beth uses the word ‘screw’ like three times in one sentence indicating her evolution from a bible basher to a badass. She then flips the bird at Daryl, and tells him she is getting a drink TO-DAY.

Onto the search for alcohol, Beth and now a very un-chatty Daryl begin making their way to the nearest location they think may contain liquor. They find a nearby golf club house/department store (the clothes and stuff threw me), and make their way inside. It must be noted that this episode in many ways is possibly the bleakest of them all. It doesn’t really hit you just how grim shit has gotten until you see all the 10 thousand dead bodies piled on top of each other, with maybe 10 zombies hung from the ceiling, swinging about, trying to get down. This is the point where I personally would’ve been like ‘yea im done’, and shot myself in the head. But a rather resilient Beth keeps on going, whilst Daryl thinks now is a good opportunity to rob loads of money.

hell

Small afterthough. I’m gonna make the assumption that Daryl is obviously having some kind of nervous breakdown and has totally forgotten that in a world where everyone is dead, there is no law and no government, perhaps robbing money isn’t the most useful thing he would’ve gained from this recreational visit to the golf club. Either he’s had a momentary lapse (see Rick season 3 when dead Lori keeps popping up everywhere), or we’re being gently reminded (thanks AMC) that this guy was broke crook pre-apocalypse.

Back to Beth. Unfazed by the plethora of dead people downstairs, she finds a clothes shop to raid and decides the have an outfit change. Yellow and white are perhaps the two most unlikely colours I would wear during a zombie outbreak, but Beth doesn’t care, she looks pretty and preppy and wants to ram her positive energy down your throat whether you like it or not. Dammit she wants to teach the world to sing, even though there’s no world left and no-one to sing to. Still the canary yellow polo top really brings out her eyes. I gave it less than ten minutes before someones brains ruined it. And lo and behold Daryl clubs a zombies head all over the pearl white cardi. Take it off Beth, take it off.

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After being denied a Peach Schnapps, and forced to watch the most awkward game of darts in the world. Daryl decides to take Beth to an undisclosed location he previously found with Michonne so she can get drunk on moonshine. At this point the episode got a bit weird, borderline creepy. Suddenly I was like ‘ok ANYTHING is possible here’, there’s a weird vibe between them, they kind of hate each other, is he gonna kill her? are they hooking up? Are they both gonna die? Is he gonna kill himself? It was all a bit ambiguous. The house in question was either Daryl’s actual house, or a house that really really resembled it. I couldn’t quite figure it out cuz the conversation progressively just got weirder and weirder.

A drinking game in this redneck shithole (‘my dad used to do target practice in here’…..right), turns extremely nasty when Beth kinda directly but indirectly accuses Daryl of being a criminal. ‘Is that what you really think of me’ he barks, to be fair Daryl, she did ask you like 10 times what you did before the outbreak and you remained silent….we all thought the worst. Things then get SUPER AWKWARD, and Daryl decides he’s gonna kick things about and piss in the middle of the kitchen. Great.

Then he starts cussing Beth out like you would not even believe.

I mean, full on, no holds barred, telling it like it is type shit. ‘You lost two boyfriends’ he reminds her (really two? who the hell was the first one?) ‘your whole family is dead’ he screams ‘and all you care about is getting drunk like some dumb college bitch’. Damn Daryl. Damn.

Beth then does a little monologue about how Daryl is afraid to feel, or get too close to anyone, then he starts crying, then she hugs him and then she cries. and then it basically turns into Dawson’s Creek.

The last ten minutes are the wackest of them all. Literally a 10 minute chat about life, and feelings (enough already), with Daryl opening up about his past and Beth not giving a shit and mainly just wanting to talk about herself. Then they have a super emosh moment whereby they decide to burn down this house to say goodbye to Daryl’s past (this btw might not even be his actual house, but we’ll go with it). Some really bad country music about the ghosts in your closet starts playing while they unnecessarily start a forest fire. then they walk away and flip the bird and the burning house.

Glad you both got that off your chests.